At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're like the curious george of whores
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
