we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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