here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize