Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
