I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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