the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Blood and glitter go together right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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