I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't put those talents on a resume
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize