I cannot find my penis.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
