butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
