Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
