I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I smell stomach acid.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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