____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
