my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
