she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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