Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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