at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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