pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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