i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
