Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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