that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
