i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
