remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Randomize
