lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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