im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
