I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
