he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
