Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"

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(270): View more from Kentucky

they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

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(520): View more from Arizona

Have you been tested recently?

(1-520): View more from Arizona

Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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(563): View more from Iowa

I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...

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(647): View more from Ontario

Stop fucking Sharon's exes.

(416): View more from Toronto

Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.

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