Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
