Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
