We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
