ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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