No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
last night I used snow as a chaser
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
