Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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