i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
