all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
