you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
