i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
