i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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