Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
