alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
