Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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