I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
