I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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