Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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