there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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