Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
