New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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