I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize