Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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