I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
