She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
