you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
