the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is my gift to your gina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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