She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
