Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
