Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize