he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
