You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
