Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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