Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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