Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
