Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize