I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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