Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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