Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
