To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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