You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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