i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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