Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
