i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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