I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
