The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
