guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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